no deficiency

Adam called me this weekend and asked if I'd be willing to let him to set me up on a double date. After a lot of hemming and hawing, I said I'd think about it. And I'm still thinking about it. What I want to say is no. But I just can't seem to let myself. What if it turns out to be fun? What if I miss out on something good? What if I regret it somehow? What reason do I have to say no?

But, when did "because I don't want to" cease to be a valid reason? When did I lose the ability to say no? Why do I have to look outside myself for alibis? Rummage for reasons that sound more objective, more clinical, more rational? And when I don't find one, am I caught? Do I have to string yeses along and stack them and squeeze them in all because I CAN'T SAY NO?

I know it's not right. It can't be right. There must be something wrong with me.